


Unfinished Girl Merlin chapter and notes

by halfhardtorock



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: F/M, Girl!Merlin, M/M, Spells & Enchantments, Unfinished wip
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-27
Updated: 2014-08-27
Packaged: 2018-02-15 01:36:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,319
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2210784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/halfhardtorock/pseuds/halfhardtorock
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Someone asked me how my early Girl!Merlin series ended so I thought I would put up the unfinished pieces. I've never shared my writing notes before, but it's just little bits and pieces to look through, plus a bit of writing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Unfinished Girl Merlin chapter and notes

 

 

The air grows cold at night and the harvest starts coming in on dusty carts. Their creaking wheels leave criss-crossing furrows all through the fields and roadways that harden and glitter with frost.

The garden gives her final bounty of lavender and rosemary, pumpkins and garlic. They cut back the rhubarb for the winter. 

Merlin works with quiet persistence, until there are dry lines on her palms, cut with soil. At night, she'd just go to bed, but Jaka looks over her with a critical eye, turns her hands and then washes and oils her palms with care.

The forest is full of travelers, coming and going to their winter dwellings. When the first snow comes, the forest ways will fall silent, blanketed for sleep.

Their house is warm, but little runnels of cool air sneak in through the slats. Merlin stops up each one up as she finds them, testing along the wall with her magic and then filling these spaces with warmth.

She's doing this now, silently, face set, and feels a mighty, inner-kick to her ribs. 

"Oi!" Merlin gasps, caught off-guard, "take it easy there." She rubs at the swell of her belly for a moment, wincing.

Alvar laughs behind her, says "My little beast has been doing that. Not much room left, is there? I'll have a broken rib by the time she comes."

Merlin turns, smiles at Alvar who is rubbing her own swollen belly. Sinnie lifts Alvar's legs, feels at them, restless hands moving, squeezing.

"You're well," Sinnie says, and lets her leg down before she gives Alvar an impish smile and starts working her feet with her hands, rubbing the bridge. 

Alvar sighs, her shoulders going loose with the pleasure of it. "Thank you, Sinnie," she says after.

Merlin helps her up. Alvar is so big with child, she's like tumbling a boulder off the bed and out the door. She waves from the lane, lumbering back to her work at the dyers. 

Sinnie blows a red curl out of her eye and cleans her hands in a bowl. 

"Can you rehang the herbs?" she asks Merlin and Merlin does it with a quick look. They jump off the table and cot, their ties winding round in knots before they settle quietly.

Sinnie puts on her vest and says "I bet Leila's baby is coming soon-" and they walk to the upper town, lugging water and extra cloth.

 

 

They're in right at the moment Jaka is crouching down to catch. She looks to Merlin and Merlin lets her magic sweep up, surround them like warm, sunny air. Leila's eyes drift closed and the baby slips soundless into the world.

When he comes awake, swimming his limbs in the warm magic, he only makes a little cough. His mother brings him to her breast.

Jaka looks and Merlin lets it go, lets the warmth slip away and back into her body, carefully, so not to chill the baby with the rush of its retreat.

 

 

The next is Dae, who has a little girl with a birthmark like a hot water scald on her hip. Merlin panics when she sees it, and her magic touches frantic fingers over the baby, trying to find what went wrong. But Sinnie is strong, Sinnie grabs her by the elbow and pulls her out of the tent.

Merlin finds herself breathless, eyes full of tears.

"The mark runs in Dae's family," Sinnie tells her. It's dark and starless out under the trees by the river, and Sinnie is just a shadow figure before the candlelight.

"You should go, we can finish here," she says.

Merlin nods.

"Stay out of the way of the King's men," Sinnie warns her and then moves the curtain, goes inside.

Merlin walks back to the house. Inside, the kicks beat hearty in time with her steps. 

 

 

A woman named Siusan comes down with a fever, and Sinnie brings another Daughter of Cirin, a woman named Faye who has salves to rub on Siusan's feet, her shoulders and forehead. The baby comes, dusky and sweet, fat and slippery when Merlin holds her to her chest.

The babe's heel raps against her belly, and after a moment, the baby inside her raps back.

"Oh, you too, now?" Merlin says softly to the baby in her arms. "You both ganging up on me, then?"

The baby has dark, luminous eyes. Merlin can't look into them for long, the scrutiny is so absolute.

When she passes the baby back to Faye, Siusan's face is high with color, her eyes glassy.

"She won't make it through the night," Jaka tells Merlin gently, sidling close. She wipes her hands on her breeches, says "If the baby makes it through morning without a fever, she'll be fine."

"What will happen to-?" Merlin starts, solemn.

"The father will probably take her back to her mother's village, leave her with family," Jaka says.

Merlin imagines someone showing up in Ealdor with a baby for Hunith, a baby with dark hair and Arthur's eyes...

Merlin trembles.

Jaka squeezes her shoulder once. "Can you walk Faye back? She's afraid to go alone."

Merlin nods and looks to Faye, whose face is grim as she gathers her salves and puts them away in her sack.

 

 

When she gets back, there's a candle lit and Gwen is waiting with warm bread wrapped in a cloth and a little jar of the wildflower honey Merlin likes.

Merlin smiles a little. "Gwen?"

Gwen hugs her. "I missed you," she sighs. "And Golde keeps hounding me around everywhere, 'where's that Merlin? Where'd you put her? Tell her to get her scrawny arse back to work'."

Merlin snorts, sits down with Gwen and says "I was terrible at that work anyway. Skinny arms-"

Gwen's amused. "What about the midwifery then?" 

Merlin looks at her, truthful "One of the mothers will probably die tonight. Fever."

Gwen is taken aback. "Oh. Merlin, that's terrible."

They sit together, quiet. And then Gwen cuts the bread. "It's not always like that," Merlin says when she takes a slice. "Sometimes it's amazing, and everything happens so easily and beautifully. And to be there for something like that is...is-"

She can't figure out how to finish, so she just exhales the last of her breath, looks at Gwen, chagrined.

Gwen just smiles slowly, eyebrows raised. And passes the honey. She rests her chin in hand and looks relaxed there, warm at the fire.

"When you go back?-" Merlin starts to inquire, but Gwen waves her off. 

"I've found a route that's safe. The King's Men won't bother me. They're too busy at the tavern this time of night anyway." She frowns to herself.

"What does Morgana say?" Merlin asks.

"She worries. Uther stays locked away in his rooms for days on end, and then when he's out..." she pauses, sighs. "The men have no master now, and they roam the streets like wild dogs. Soon they will not be able to be contained."

Merlin stares at her honeyed bread, picking. 

"I just wish-" Gwen starts to say and then abruptly stops, looks sorry. 

Merlin eats her bread slowly, watching Gwen cut more and slop the honey along the coarse grain.

 

 

Sinnie goes out in a sweep of green, her hood up, to check the arriving carts from the valley farms for mothers. It's something she and Jaka do, walk along the long line of them, greeting, searching out expecting mothers, offering them herbs and help.

Merlin is making satchel after satchel of the stomach soothing blend, humming to herself while the wooden horseman trots along the table top in a circle. And then there's a loud knock on the door.

The horseman falls quiet.

She peeks out the window first, finds only a young girl in a bonnet, waiting there, anxious.

"Mum, my aunt is ready for you," the little girl says, pointing over her shoulder towards the dyers.

"Your aunt?" Merlin asks. And then it comes over her, that she is here alone, Sinnie and Jaka in the upper town.

"Ah, shite," Merlin moans low and the girl looks at her worriedly, wringing her hands.

"I'll be right out! Let me...let me, just wait!" Merlin goes back inside, puts her hand in her hair and stalls there, unsure of what to grab, what she needs, how she can get it all there.

"Come! Little girl! Um, bring these-" she says, shoving a bottle of oil at the girl. "And wait! This too!" she gives her cloths.

Merlin ladles hot water into a bucket and throws a cloth over it and then she says "Come now, show me the way!" to the girl.

 

 

Alvar is in the dyers shop, leaning against the wall. For a second, the bright red staining her hands makes Merlin sway, dizzy, but then she realizes it's _dye_ and she goes down on her knees, anxious, says "Are you all right?"

"No!" puffs Alvar. "She's early. By a month at least!"

Merlin swallows, nods, wets a cloth in the hot water and shakes it out. The other women dyers are set back to the wall, frowning, arms crossed over their chests like they're irritated to have their work stopped for the day.

"I...I-" Merlin says and then steels herself, makes Alvar spread her knees. She peers once under her skirt, then pulls away, shocked, at the sight.

"Oh," Merlin says to herself, startled.

"S'okay, love," Alvar says, snatching the cloth from Merlin's hand. "Let me do it."

"I'm not...I'm not-" Merlin tries to explain, poorly, but Alvar just shakes her head sharply, takes the oil from her niece and uses it. "I won't be able to catch her. Will you do that?" she asks Merlin. Merlin nods, says "Yes! Yes, of course-" earnest.

So Alvar readies herself with oil and deep breaths. And then her neck strains and Merlin knows she's pushing, so she gets close, hands under Alvar's skirts. 

"Closer! Feel-" Alvar says, taking Merlin's thin, pale arm and yanking her nearer.

Merlin hears the baby's first bleating cry, feels it slip into her arms. She has the head in her palm, small and wet.

And then she brings her out from under her mother's skirts.

The air goes syrupy with humid, cloying warmth, Merlin's magic changing the light from the window to diffuse gold.

The baby's face is covered, strange, and her mother gasps "Ah, she is in caul."

Alvar takes her daughter, divests her of the membrane, lays it on her knee. 

Merlin watches Alvar run fingers over her daughter's eyes, then sweep them into her mouth, pulling waters and mucus out.

The baby cries again, the sound wet but strong.

Merlin stares at the caul, curious.

 

 

When the door opens, Merlin is grinning and as Jaka comes in she says "Guess what I did today? I caught Alvar's-"

But when Sinnie comes in, Merlin halts, mouth agape.

"W-what _happened_?" she asks.

Sinnie's cloak is caked in drying mud, her hair loose and curling all over. Her face is muddy also, splattered. Her eyes angry.

"She's fine," Jaka says, looking at Sinnie. "Just...a knight, hassling her."

" _What_ ," Merlin says and Sinnie sits down throws off her cloak.

"He caught hold of her cloak, dragged her through the mud. But he let her free, so she was fortunate. Some of the knights cut the tongue out of a Daughter of Cirin in Garrison four nights ago. Said she was practicing witchcraft."

Merlin can't put it together in her head, these chivalrous knights that she knew as a boy, now bands of thugs that are terrorizing the city. 

Sinnie isn't crying, but her mouth is curled, her eyes cast to the side.

Jaka quietly takes Sinnie's cloak, brings it out into the cool air to beat it clean against the wall.

To the sound of Jaka's work, Merlin wets a cloth and sits before Sinnie, smiling gently. And then she cleans Sinnie's face.

Sinnie's eyes are red when she finishes. She's quiet. Merlin goes to stand and Sinnie leans close, kisses her mouth once.

When Merlin looks surprised, Sinnie laughs, blushing.

"What?" Merlin asks, smiling. 

"Sometimes I try to imagine what you looked, as a boy. Were you handsome?" 

Merlin snorts. "I don't think I'd say _handsome_. My mum used to say 'dear', that I was 'dear'."

Sinnie laughs at her, says "Oh, Merlin."

Merlin goes to swish the cloth clean in a bucket.

Then she remembers and says "Ha! I almost forgot. I caught Alvar's baby today! All alone!" 

Sinnie looks surprised. "She was early!"

"-my gods, that woman is very capable. I didn't have to do anything but put my hands under and out she come. Born with a odd thing over her face."

"Ah, the caul," Sinnie says, pleased. "That's a sign of fate at work. Maybe she will be magic, like you." She winks.

"Really? Poor Alvar, then. Magical babies are a nuisance."

Sinnie slips back into the wall, happy. "Yes like that wooden horseman and your Pendragon-" she jokes and then her mouth falls silent in respect.

Merlin looks at her, head cocked. "What...did you say?"

"Pendragon," Sinnie says. "Jaka and I just...we call him that, sometimes." She gestures vaguely at Merlin's belly.

Merlin looks away, smiles a little. "Oh."

"It's ok?" Sinnie asks.

Merlin isn't sure, but she makes an effort. "Oh, yeah. Course."

Sinnie looks awkward. Merlin rises. "I have to tell Jaka about Alvar. She'll probably want make sure I didn't muck anything up-" she quips and leaves the house.

Her hand fists as she strides to Jaka.

Jaka blinks and says "Merlin-"

"They _won't_ hurt her again, or anyone else. I won't let them-" and she feels the magic swell inside her, ready to burst. 

Jaka stares at her, hardened, but then assents. "There is another way. I think there are those who would join us, against them-"

Merlin is surprised by her own reaction to the idea. "But...that's-"

"-treason, but these past months, there has been no law, and it only gets worse. If we do not try now, Camelot might be lost."

"I would never let that happen," Merlin says furiously. 

"It will be easy to gather the Daughters, and they can spread the word to those they trust. You can get...Gwen?"

Merlin nods.

Jaka smiles. "We will gather in two nights, at the clearing in the south woods."

Merlin lets out a held breath, says "Good."

 

 

She dashes to the last mother's house, drops the raspberry leaf satchel off with the boy who answers the door and then dashes back to the house in time to catch up with Jaka before she leaves.

"One hour," she says and Merlin nods, slips into her cot to wait for Gwen, rest. 

Forty-five minutes pass and there's a knock and Gwen looking in.

"Oh good, we've got just enough time if we walk fast-" Merlin says, jumping up, wrapping herself in a shawl.

Gwen's breathing quickly, her lips parted on her breath and she says "Wait. Merlin, something has happened."

"What?" Merlin asks, and thinks about grabbing the dagger off the shelf, just in case the King's Men come across them in the forest tonight. But maybe she'd be best with just using her magic.

"Look, you...you have to come now. It's important," Gwen rambles and then her hand is sharp on Merlin's arm, getting her attention.

"Come where? Jaka's waiting in the forest. There are probably four dozen women with her-"

"-it's Sir Galahad. He's returned."

Sir Galahad. Merlin knew him, the man with the soft, brown hair that hung in his eyes. Young. 

He was one of Arthur's knights.

Merlin stares at her. 

Gwen frees her arm and looks worriedly back.

"Where?" Merlin asks, winded suddenly.

"At the _Horse and Hare_. I know for certain he's there now, he told me he would be tonight."

"You _spoke_ with him already?" Merlin asks.

"Yes, but only briefly this morning. He tried to arrange an audience with the king, but Uther wouldn't even see him, Merlin. He wouldn't even hear him out. He is almost mad now, with grief."

Merlin thinks of Jaka, waiting under her torch amongst the trees. The women who don't think they have any better hope than to organize against the King's men themselves.

"Show me," Merlin says, and they leave together quickly.

 

 

"He's not as he was," Gwen warns her, but Merlin is determined, pushes into the tavern door.

The _Horse and Hare_ is a dull roar of voices, ale sloshing at her feet as she steps in, and she can tell which one is Galahad right away, in all the chaos, because of the faded red cape.

He's sitting alone, hunched over his ale at a table dirty with steins, the rest of the tavern moving around him, avoiding.

"Are you ready?" Gwen asks but Merlin just goes forward, touches Galahad's arm, sits slowly across from him.

He's drunk, it takes him a moment, and then a little smile tugs up his mouth and he twitches, eyes blinking unnaturally, and says " _Merlin_ , s'that you? You're still a woman, then?"

Galahad is...not like she's ever seen him. His face, once boyishly round in a way that earned him good-natured ribbing from the other knights, is gaunt, haggard. The left side of his face melts into raw, curdled skin by his ear, marked with burns. When he talks, he slurs like he might have taken a hard knock to the head.

"Yeah," Merlin says, smiling sheepishly. "Can I get you another?" she gestures to his ale and Galahad nods, tips the rest back.

"I've got it," Gwen says and leaves them with a squeeze to Merlin's shoulder.

A hundred things or more run through her head, her mouth full of them but only one slips out. _"Where's Arthur."_

 

 

Galahad drinks:

When he wakes, his face feels as though it is still on fire, and he lets out a piercing scream.

The men beside him are smoldering, blackened, silent. He rolls over and drags his face through the grass, crying.

He passes out.

He wakes to the night air, cooler on his burned skin. He touches at it, crying, as pathetic as a whelp. The stars are bright in the mountains, close. He can see the bodies of Lord Tenney and his squire, near enough to smell their cooked flesh.

_My liege_ he thinks for Arthur. 

In the next night, he sees the flicker of a torch, coming up the path. Sword lifted him weakly to defend himself, he waits for it to come.

There is a girl there, bathed in light. No torch, just..her. Like she is a star herself, the way she gives off a queer light. She watches him tremble, falter.

And then she goes to him with hands of cool water, coming endlessly to soothe his face, his belly.

 

 

Jaka comes in, face fraught. But when she sees Merlin, the worry sighs out of her and she takes her by the face and says "When you didn't come-"

"-I know, I'm _sorry_ , but I had to go-"

"There you are!" Sinnie says, haughty. "Could have used you tonight, witch."

"Where were you? Did you get lost?" Jaka asks, trying to understand.

"No, I was at the _Horse and Hare_ -"

Sinnie snorts. "Getting pissed, then?"

" _Sinnie_ ," Jaka says sharply, and the other woman goes quiet, sullen. 

"Tell me what happened," Jaka says softly to Merlin, hands to Merlin's shoulders.

Merlin licks her lips, voice quick. "One of Arthur's knights is...is alive. He came back two nights ago, but no one in the court would listen because he's a bit _addled_. I went to the _Horse and Hare_ to speak with him tonight, I needed to know. Arthur, what happened to _Arthur_ , and he says it wasn't bandits that ambushed them on the road, it was _warlocks_."

Jaka's brow comes together, and she frowns, listening. 

Merlin's mouth goes sloppy, too energetic. She wipes the back of her hand over her lip and says "They took him _alive_. Jaka-"

Sinnie makes a derisive noise, cross. 

"-Tristan brought back Arthur's sword but...but Galahad says that the men scattered when they were attacked, and their fire was trampled out. But he was with Arthur, at his side when it happened, and he could hear Arthur _gasping_. And then they took Arthur by the wrists and _dragged_ him away! Why...why would they have taken him if he was dead?"

Jaka shakes her head, showing her own uncertainty.

Merlin swallows. "They took Sir Leon too, and Gareth. But that's all Galahad can remember. They...left him for dead. They did not think he would live after what they hit him with. Their magic _burned_ them, some beyond recognition."

Jaka looks appalled, face pale. She sits down, holding Merlin's hands in hers. 

"I have to go to him," Merlin says decidedly."I know Camelot needs me. I know that I could be of real help to you and the others. And if I leave, the King's men would be that much stronger. But Camelot is _nothing_ without Arthur. It's empty and _heartless_ and pointless. It's Arthur's _destiny_ to be her king. And I have promised to...to-"

She stops to gather her breath and then looks away. "I can't explain, but I am going to the citadel tomorrow for help, and then leaving for the Westlands as soon as possible."

They both look at her for a long time, Jaka's eyes full of fierce thought. 

Sinnie laughs then, says " _Merlin_ , you're six months pregnant."

Merlin has to smile, a little mad. "Well, I didn't say it was going to be a _graceful_ affair."

"I'm coming with you," Jaka says, low. Determined. 

Merlin holds her hand, warms it in hers. Smiles gratefully.

Sinnie gives a long sigh and stands, stretching. "Well, then I shall come too. Though with you both gone, I might get some sleep around here."

Merlin feels the pleasure of her affection turn to magic, and lets it sweep over both of them, smooth their hair back fondly. 

Jaka grins.

 

 

Gwen comes dressed in a boy's doublet and Merlin snorts at the sight. "I'll be the only one in a dress, then."

Gwen looks at both Sinnie and Jaka, outfitted in men's trousers too, and tweaks Merlin's ear playfully. 

"Oh, that's great, Gwen, thanks," she says but then they're hugging and Gwen's face is flushed, and everyone is awake with enthusiasm, maybe just to be getting out of the city, which has begun to turn grey and bleak with the coming cold.

Sinnie and Jaka slide on their rucksacks, and then tie their cloaks over so their things are hidden under the pale green. Jaka is happy, expression light and eyes pretty. There is a moment when Sinnie is in the house trying to find her leather band, and Gwen is filling a bladder of water down the lane at the well, and Merlin finds herself alone with Jaka so she reaches out, touches her cheek.

Jaka looks at her openly, full of something that makes Merlin swallow.

"Thank you," she says.

Jaka nods. Says "Of course. You are dear to me now."

"Oh," Merlin says.

"-like any Daughter of Cirin," Jaka corrects herself, and then turns her gaze away.

Sinnie is pulling her hair back into a bun as she leaves her house.

"Are we walking to the Westlands, or do you have a plan, Merlin?" Sinnie asks.

Merlin grins as Gwen rejoins them. "Gwen's got a plan."

 

 

It's colder in the castle than out, with the night's chill caught in her stone. Gwen goes first and then Merlin follows, one hand to her belly and behind, Jaka and Sinnie come, hoods up. They follow Gwen through the servant's passage, and then into the hallway where they blend in with a trailing line of servants carrying away breakfast platters.

Then they steal up the stairs, feet silent.

Morgana is waiting in an alcove under the next stairway. She comes out of the shadows, face serious, wearing her riding clothes, pulling on her gloves. When she sees Merlin she begins to smile. But when she _really_ sees Merlin, her smile falls away.

"By the Gods," she says, shocked.

Merlin goes to her, almost curtsies awkwardly, uncertain of what to do with herself. 

Morgana stares at her for a breath and then says low "Is it...Arthur's?"

" _Yes_ ," Merlin stammers, offended. "Course it is."

Morgana touches a hand to her own throat, a little disconcerted. 

"Milady, we must go. We were hoping you were still coming?" Gwen reminds her. 

Morgana stares at Merlin's belly a bit longer and then glances sharply down the hall. "I had no idea Merlin was...in a state! This is...how can we?-" 

She looks at Jaka and Sinnie, who have removed their hoods, and says "This is what we have, then? A pregnant woman? A handmaiden? A king's ward and one, two midwives?"

"I can wield a sword better than most men," Jaka tells her plainly. Morgana looks surprised, but before she can say anything, Jaka looks at Merlin and says "and we have a greater power still."

Merlin pauses, looks to the stone floor. He touches Gwen's booted foot with her own, swallowing. "I should have told you, many times-"

"-Merlin?" Gwen asks but Merlin concentrates, hand out, and lets her magic run along her fingertips, flick in the air.

There are two swords crossed above the archway, proof of a peace that men may hang their weapons up to, unneeded, long enough for them to become decoration. The swords clink free of their fastenings, clang together in a show of arms and then slip slowly down through a shaft of light to hover before Morgana.

Gwen makes a noise, all intake of breath. "Your eyes," Gwen says, awestruck. "they look... _so strange_."

Morgana takes the swords in hand, tests their weight. Her mouth is set, serious. "Does Arthur know?" she asks.

Merlin shakes her head. "Um, not yet," she says.

Morgana gestures curiously at her round tummy. Merlin flushes. "Oh. No. Not about... _that_ either."

Morgana's smile widens. "Then I think I shall go on this fool's errand. It would be worth seeing Arthur's face. The revelation will be two-fold." She laughs. 

"Oh Merlin," Gwen says knowingly, "he's going to go mad."

 

 

"I have maps, but no rations-" Morgana starts as they follow her through the halls.

"-we've got food," Merlin assures.

"-you live in the _castle_ , surrounded by luxury and you've got no food?" Sinnie asks her, voice dark.

Morgana swings around, looks at her. "What is your name?"

"I am Sinnie of the Northern Tribes-" Sinnie says, squaring his shoulders.

"And yours?" she asks Jaka. There is a beat where Jaka actually seems flustered. And then she just averts her eyes, jaw set, and says "Jaka."

"Well, midwives, I am not beholden to you. It is not of your concern that I have been like a prisoner in my own home since Arthur's disappearance. It is not of your concern that I have been _followed_ and _coddled_ by my father's guard for months, that I cannot eat nor sleep without them staring down at me, watchful, distrusting. That I had to poison them with sleeping draughts in order to be free to meet you today. That getting the maps was already an enormously challenging undertaking, I had no time or ability to raid the kitchens. That if we get out of here in the first place, it will be a minor miracle."

She's breathless by the time she's done, and it's Gwen who touches her hand, says "Then we must go, milady. Now."

"No," Morgana says. "we must be properly outfitted first." she turns back around, leading them out with a determined stride. "we'll need more than our pretty faces."

 

 

The armory boy, Thom, flushes when he sees Morgana, drops to his knee.

"Don't worry," Gwen whispers to Merlin. "Thom has been helping us for a year now, when we go to the clearing to drill. He's completely loyal to Morgana."

"Smitten's more like it," Merlin snorts. 

Morgana pets Thom's tow-head as she passes. Then she smiles back at them. "Everyone, light mail so we don't weigh the horses, we'll need to ride far. Take only what you need. Jaka, are you familiar with a broad or short sword?"

Jaka steps forward, "A broad sword, Lady."

Morgana seems pleased, her face clear of her earlier upset. "Good, that is how I fight too. Perhaps we will be well together." Jaka follows her to choose a sword.

"What say you, Merlin?" Gwen asks as Merlin tries on a hood of mail. "Nothing for me. I...I'll just uh, you know-" and then she wiggles her fingers in the air and Gwen's face goes curious. 

Merlin looks away, uncomfortable under her scrutiny.

"Ah, I think this will suit me," Sinnie says, pulling a crossbow off the wall and then a quiver of arrows. She slings it over her shoulder. 

Gwen looks away then, runs her fingers along the short swords, all polished clean. "These are not nearly as fine as my father's were," she says low. But she picks one anyway, feels its balance in hand. 

It strikes Merlin then, just as Morgana returns and says "choose one for Arthur," quietly. "Tristan brought his back and Uther keeps it like a treasure. Somewhere, wherever he may be, Arthur is probably swordless." She laughs a little, sad. "Poor Arthur. He'd hate that-"

"-no," Merlin says. "I...I have a better idea."

 

Merlin's old mare Hildegarde makes a snuffling sound as she breathes her in, which makes Merlin grin. "I'm a little heavier than I used to be," she admits to her, struggling to get on.

Jaka rushes over to help, but Merlin waves her off with a sharp "no."

When she is up on her horse though, she's winded and smiles apologetically. "I have to be able to do it myself."

Jaka smiles back. 

The rest lead their horses out of the stables before they get on, Merlin clodding behind them.

"We'll have to go quick. They may try to stop us at the gates. Actually, it's probably a sure thing they will try to stop us at the gates." Morgana looks them over and then says "Merlin...is there anything you can-?"

Merlin grins. "Yeah, leave it to me."

"All right. If we get split up, head for the Western road, along the river-"

"-no, wait!" Merlin says. "I have...something I need to do first. Head for the forest below the Northern Mountain trail."

Morgana looks confused, but she just says "Fine," and gives her horse a swift nudge with her heel.

She's off, Jaka following. Then Sinnie and Gwen and Merlin.

 

 

The guards try to close the gates, but Merlin just summons the winds to blow it wide, to knock their helmets askew. Sinnie laughs as they ride right through, into town, where they do split up to avoid trampling the travelers on the road.

 

 

Gwen is at her side as the woods open up to the glacial lake, beautiful, like a smooth dark stone set in a facet of grey and green. Gwen looks at her a few times, skeptical. "What are we doing here, Merlin?" she asks.

Merlin shakes her head to cut her off, and then she murmurs "wait here-" as she leads her horse into the lake.

She goes as deep as the horse will let her, until her feet are in the wintery waters.

"Merlin?" Gwen calls behind her, but mostly, there is no sound here but the lick of water, shushing around them.

She gets a few inner kicks when the horse stops, like her extra cargo misses the jostling already. She snorts, whispers "natural horseman."

She listens to the waves then, looks out over the waters at the faraway mountains, already white-topped with snow. She clears her throat and tries a spell. It lilts over the water, but nothing happens.

She centers herself, tries it again fervently, the spell hot on her tongue. 

But nothing happens.

So she gives up and just talks.

"So yeah, Arthur's sword? Sorta buggered it up the first time I had you but uh. It'd be nice if I could bring you to Arthur now, since he's...still alive. I think. Probably. Oh the gods, if he's not-"

_Merlin_ comes a woman's voice, and for a moment, she thinks that Gwen's calling to her. But when she glances back, Gwen is still on the shore and the shore is _much_ farther away than before, and Gwen looks worried, hand up to her forehead to cut the glare.

"Sword?" Merlin asks.

_Do swords talk to you often, Emrys?_ and Merlin sees her there, her face peering oddly from the water like she was swimming and came up for air.

"Freya," Merlin breathes.

She rises like she's climbing steps out of the water, bare feet skimming along the surface, splitting a cross-current. 

She carries the sword in one hand before her, glinting as though the sun was high and hot, sweeping over it.

_Did Galahad come to you, then?_ she asks, voice eerily watery, the way it sounds to listen to the world above when you're swimming deep underwater.

Merlin says "He...Freya-", voice broken.

She smiles and lays the sword on the lake, where it floats queerly, shimmering in the clear, dark water.

_Though you have changed, Warlock, you are to take this journey for your destiny is with Arthur. When he wields this sword, there will be none who can stop you._

Merlin sends out magic like young shoots. They tendril around the sword's grip, touching along magic, cool and unseen, that stands the soft hair at Merlin's nape up.

Freya's magic is lake magic, water magic. It rises around them and Merlin's horse whickers suddenly, anxious.

Merlin breathes soundlessly and Freya gives her one last look before she ducks into the water, hair a shadow as she disappears.

She lifts the sword into the air, where the water slices off its sun-tipped blade.

 

 

They meet on their horses at the lake's edge as Merlin rides back, her horse steaming in the cold air. The others watch, silent. Jaka's hands clench at her horse's reins, holding her horse still.

"Does it look familiar?" Merlin asks Gwen in greeting, smiling, holding the sword laid on its side in her hands. Gwen's eyes narrow as she looks and then widen.

"Where...how-??" she begins, and then she is at a loss. She just stares as Merlin passes it to her to hold.

After a moment, she says "You _threw it in the loch_?"

Merlin frowns, defensive. "It's a long story!"

Gwen rolls her eyes and passes it back, but she's smiling a little, lip tugged up at one side. "It is my father's best. I...I will be glad to see it in Arthur's hands."

Merlin grins then, feels her eyes wet a little and blames the cold wind shifting the trees.

"Come then," Jaka says. "We must be on the road, out of the way of the King's Men before nightfall."

 

 

 

 

 

**Unfinished: Notes**

 

 

-the lake  
-The journey  
-forest path  
-mountain pass  
-wide river swimming  
-mining city  
-forest

 

-they meet up with Gwaine, who is tickled to join their band of ladies to save Arthur. He is heading to the Westlands to join some renegades in fighting some bad dude, to gather spoils in a war. They suspect those renegades might be Sir Leon and Arthur.

-"Who goes there?" heard in the fog.

"It is I, Morgana of Camelot-"

Jaka nervously trying to stop her "Morgana-"

"-the King's ward!"

There is a quiet confusion for a moment, whilst Merlin palms her face, and then Gwen shouts out "No, um. She's not! SHE'S NOT. We're...having a laugh! Ha ha...ha."

Silence. Then the man's soft chuckle "Then _I_ am not a resolute libertine, come to seduce the lot of you and join a skirmish in a land that I have no vested interest in, just for the spoils of war. I was just having a laugh myself."

Jaka: "Well, now that we have all spoken plainly, show yourself!" drawing her sword and sweeping in front of Morgana.

-He comes waltzing across the bridge, out of the fog.

-8 nights of Gwaine telling stories to pass the time. He starts a story with a bardish tone, and they're like "NOOOOO-" so he stops and laughs and then tells them REAL stories about his journeys and love affairs and bar fights and such.

-Sinnie's bear songs.

-Meet up with Lancelot outside the city. Lancelot tells where Arthur is, inside and instigating a riot the next morning. He had gotten Lancelot out and Lancelot had rallied a ragtag band to go in during the riot.

-The king abducted Arthur because he thought he could use him as a figurehead, to break the human boy and let Sim lead the people through him and take over Camelot. But Arthur turned out to be more trouble than he was worth. Arthur causes several break-outs and gets other men up in arms and is a general nuisance. 

 

-When they break in and Arthur sees them, his first reaction is to splutter "MORGANA?" and his second reaction, upon laying eyes on Merlin, is to DROP HIS SWORD.

-They save the day, Merlin uses magic in front of Arthur, they murder the bad dude. lol ~writing!

-Arthur is CONFLICTED and STUNNED SPEECHLESS. His girlfriend is A SORCERESS. HIS...SORCERESS-LOVER IS PREGNANT WITH HIS BASTARD SON. WHAT TO DO? 

-"My given name is Morgause. I wanted you to know," Jaka tells Morgana suddenly, fiercely, face intent. 

"Oh," Morgana says, surprised. Merlin's heart jumps to her throat, and she wants to cover them up in something soft and bunting, protect them from the vulnerability of the moment, but then Morgana does something beautiful. She smiles. Brilliantly. 

Jaka smiles too.

"I just want to tell you I'm madly in love with you!" Gwaine says to Gwen, caught up in the feeling. Gwen shoves his face away.

 

-Arthur and Merlin must go off to kill Sim themselves. Arthur won't speak to her, he's frowning hard. But when he hears Lancelot's plan, he looks comically shocked.

"She is _not_ coming!" Arthur snarls.  
"I am," Merlin argues, irritated. 

-Arthur takes her arms in hard hands and tries to walk her back to the door, stiffly, but it's like the feeling of her, physical and alive, in his hands makes him slow, his face smoothing. And then he's putting his forehead to hers and breathing fast. 

-Merlin closes her eyes like him and they sort of...lean into one another.

-Lancelot makes a noise and is like "It's time."

-Arthur snaps out of it and scowls hard again, not looking at her "SHE IS NOT COMING."

-"I am. I AM. I AM COMING WITH YOU!" she shouts until it echoes off the vault. They're all quiet. Arthur glares at the wall, arms crossed over his chest. "I am coming with you, you. And I'm going to be using _magic_ , so don't look all surprised and bent out of shape about it."

-Lancelot bites his smile down. Arthur's eyes widen and he snaps to look at her, horrified.

-she clears her throat and says "So. Lets go. WAIT!"

-And then she takes the mace out of Arthur's numb hand and reaches behind her, pulls Excalibur out of its sheath. "Here. Brought this for you. It's also magic! So don't upset yourself about it."

-Arthur swallows, eyes downcast. But he takes the sword. When it finds his hand, Arthur makes a little, surprised noise, stares at it.

-"All right. Lancelot, we'll meet you at the Southern gate as soon as we can!"

 

-They go off together down a narrow passage, then Arthur says "No, this way," and dashes down a long flight of stairs. "We'll take the tunnels under the castle, then work our way back up-"

"Have you been in here before?" Merlin quizzes.

"A few times," Arthur says, "This wasn't my first riot."

"Oh," Merlin says, rushing with pride. "Of course."

"Of course," Arthur parrots, and then Merlin runs into his back on the flight of stairs and Arthur turns and lifts her in his arms.

"Oh-" she says and he growls deep in his throat and takes her mouth.

She holds his face in her hands, feels the scratch of hair there, moans into his mouth and he moans back and their kiss is frustrated, long and wet and shivered between them.

He rips his mouth away, breathes all _throatily_ "What's that?"

"Mmm-" Merlin says, still in his arms, but Arthur puts her down, looks over his shoulder, back where they'd come. 

"Quick, we need to go on-" he starts back down the stairs and she runs after him, almost slams into his back when she realizes he's choosing his footing carefully.

"Wait, look-" she says and when she conjures an orb to burn alive in her hands, Arthur's mouth drops. 

She sends it skittering down the stairs, watches it's flame bounce in Arthur's shiny eyes.

" _Merlin_ ," he says, so full of reverence, she feels something inside her give and she's turning him back to her, yanking him down by his dirty tunic.

They kiss again, clinging. He backs her into the wall and she lets go a girlish noise.

-Arthur on being a captive: "I never gave up. With perseverance and-" Merlin: "You were just a complete brat, weren't you? He thought he was getting a lily-livered little Princeling, but you were a stubborn git instead, weren't you? HA. Being a prat paid off this time, didn't it?"

-Morgana collapses in laugher against Jaka, who grins. Everyone is laughing, maybe Sir Leon a little TOO much and Arthur is SHOCKED. But then he laughs too, a little. But then he gives Sir Leon a hard look and is like "??" And Sir Leon is like "haahhaahha, oh. hm."

-Sir Leon touching Merlin's stomach later, pleased

-Merlin, discussing Arthur's sudden absence: "If you had died like that, just...like that, without even saying a proper goodbye, I was just going to have to follow you to the next life. And the next, if I had to-"

Arthur, grimacing: "Well, that's a bit stark-"

Merlin: "Then no dying. That's settled then."

 

"Yes! And...I could still run away and raise him as Gwaine's bastard-I'm sure people would believe that easily-so don't be a prat, Pendragon," she says, sharp.

Arthur looks at her, surprised. "GWAINE? Who's _Gwaine_?"

Gwaine steps forward, whipping his hair out of his eyes "That's me, mate."

Arthur makes a face and says to her "Really, Merlin?"

-In the tent, discussing baby names, "not Uther." "What about GWAINE?" Merlin laughs and Arthur trips her back across the bedroll so she makes a squealy sound. Arthur HATES Gwaine. He covers her mouth with his hand at the suggestion. And then she says "Sir Leon likes Gwaine," and Arthur is all grouchy and like "Sir Leon likes everybody." And then she's like "Sir Leon touched my stomach, and seemed...happy for you." Arthur goes all loose behind her and quiet, and she says "We're not naming the baby Sir Leon-" and he's like "FINE."

 

-Arthur's homecoming apparently goes something like this: "Father. It's me, Arthur. I'm home. I'm _alive_. Um. I was being held by the Druid King Sim, in the Far West Kingdom, for he had plans to take all of Albion. But don't worry, I've stopped him and he lays dead in his empty tower now. Oh! Also, my old manservant is pregnant with my child so, heh. If I had died, there would have been an heir, if that's...any consolation. So. Nothing to have gotten so worked up about."


End file.
